On My Mind

Today's writing instruction is to attend to a bigger grief than those we've been writing about. Pfff. Time to get heavy? Maybe. 

"Today, let's just look at this sorrow on the surface. Let's observe and see its shape. See how it may have stretched, from being ignored. See its need to be seen." 

That's an easy one. What's been weighing heavy on my mind recently is my son. Not the man himself. He's great. 

My relationship with him has been on my mind lately. 

On the surface, we have a wonderful relationship. We love each other, and that is not nothing. 

But for a long time I've been thinking about how I wish we talked more. Really talked. Two adults truly talking. Not a mother and child. Just two humans. I'm a terrible communicator. So first and foremost, I have not held up my side of this exchange. But second, and more importantly, I never taught him this skill (because I suck at it). 

I see so many others whose children are their best friends, and it makes me think about the two of us. Again...I repeat...mostly for my own benefit: We love one another dearly. But I would not say we are friends. 

When he was growing up, I didn't want to be his friend. I never wanted to be that parent. And I still don't long for that best friend vibe. He's not my best friend, and I have no desire to be his. But I would like to be friends. Friends who talk more freely than the two of us do. 

So...

I asked him if I can call him once a week, just to talk. To talk about our weeks and to ask him one question each week. And he agreed. He chose Wednesdays at noon for our call. 

So yesterday, I called. He didn't answer. Ha! We're off to a great start. 

I read this line in an online article about talking to adult children. I told you it's been on my mind a lot lately.

"Even if you work on not parenting when you talk to your kids, because of the roles you’ve always played in each other’s lives, they can often hear what you say through the paradigm of parenting. Your observations and questions may sound like criticism to their ears, and your suggestions may sound like you don’t have confidence in their ability to run their own lives."

And then the author said that the key to success is conversations with adult children is simply this:

Listen More, Talk Less

You can't say the wrong thing if you're listening. #GOALS

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"When you're done, list three good things that are close to you right now." 

My book (The Turnaway Study - So Good!), a mini chocolate cheesecake from GiGi's (also So Good!), and my cup (I do love cups)